• When my oldest son died at only 27 years old, at first, I seemed to be able to do nothing other than think about him all the time. I can honestly say that his death was the most difficult, painful thing I've ever faced in life, and I've faced some pretty difficult situations. It seemed unimaginable to me that I'd ever be able to think of him in any other way than in sadness and pain, even though many people told me that one day I'd be able to do that.

    But it does change over time, as it has for me, and that's okay. It's funny in a way that this question came to me here on Quora, as I just described to a close friend, last week, that I thought that maybe I was grieving for my grief, because I didn't seem to be thinking about my son as much. I was feeling sad that I wasn't as sad as I used to be when I did think about him. But I realized then that this change was a natural part of the whole process of loss, and that the measure of my love for him was not tied to how sad I was, or how often I thought about him.

    There are general similarities in the process of grief that seem to be universal between people, and thinking about someone you've lost seems to be one of those generalities. Thinking about them less does not mean that you're forgetting them though, or that you love than less. It simply means that we're beginning to find some peace and acceptance in how our life and our world has been irreversibly changed by the loss of a loved one.

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